If you are feeling suicidal or are in harms way and your trained professionals aren't working, CALL 911 - You do not need to make a poor decision such as cutting yourself /burning yourself/overdosing/inflicting self harm on yourself, someone else, or taking your life. - You are special even if you don't think you are. Just find that happy place. You will eventually get there. Get coping skill such as listening to soothing music and take medications if needed that work for you and you will know because you know what is best for your body and will talk to trained professionals need be. The doctors will know what is best to prescribe you because they are the doctors and even if holistic ones are what works, so be it. Listen to soothing music or do activities you enjoy, do what works for you and think about whatever is bothering you. Have a glass of wine or tea if you need to, but if you can't control your self, learn self control with your treatment team.
Just a note : I am not a doctor or a therapist/psychologist. I am a trained mental health speaker.